The Many deathes of ichigo and his group
by silentman97
Summary: I'm Basically thinking of creative ways to kill bleach Characters that I dislike. Rated T for repeated and constant Character death and rebirth only to kill again No pairings unless put under a microscope then You can see minor snippets of hidden romance. include character death and violence If you didn't already know that your forbidden to read this story.
1. Ichigo's nightmare begins

**I was inspired by a de-motivational poster on Deviant art if I find the artist again I'll be sure to give a warm thank you. on with the story which will not be a one-shot but a collection of creative ways to kill ichigo and other bleach characters. It may become a crossover to where I just kill characters I don't like**

**Please note the espada will be spared the slaughter as I like them best ^-^ !**

**I used the dart board again to help pick who'd be talking to the espada. Praise the dart board technique!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing and will not repeat myself I will however be using Kubo as a character**

Ichigo was relaxing at the beach with some of his friends and was trying to sleep and ignore them to the best of his abilities as they were all weaker than him and thus below his notice. when they had woken him wanted to take a picture to capture the moment he almost screamed about how the. They'd been interrupted by two of the espada Ulquiorra and Harribel, appearing on the beach from out of nowhere.

Ichigo's hopes for a fight were crushed when they completely ignored him and instead began chatting with yoruichi and tsubaki about random and pointless things that didn't interest him in the slightest and so he went back to sleep.

"you know I can't see whatever Orihime sees in strawberry over there" yoruichi commented as she looked at ichigo.

"I know right all she does is follow him like a lost puppy waiting for a treat" Tsubaki agreed

" sounds like a case of severe fangirl-ism to me." Ulquiorra commented

Both girls turned towards him "You actually listened to what we say? and what is fangirl-ism?"

"what idiot would ignore such pleasant girls as you two?"

Ichigo sneezed in his sleep.

"But as to your question Fangirl-ism is a mental disease that is near irreversible. The disease was believed to have originated with a young girl by the name of haruno sakura and thus holds the moniker 'Sakura syndrome' and effects one in every 100 girls."

"Is there a cure?"

"Death."

"..."

OR I suppose if we kill the object of her affections the disease might regress for a while if you don't want to kill her."

"No it's not that I just feel my brain cells dying when I'm in her presence"

"Oh okay then."

"so what you're saying is to either kill ichigo or kill Orihime to fix the problem with her head?"

"In a nut shell yes that's exactly what I'm saying."

Tatsuki had already borrowed kenpachi's sword and was halfway to ichigo when he woke up and realized his 'friends' were trying to kill him and caused his two brain cells to kick in telling him to run away from the sharp pointy things. he ran away from them using flash-step...

and ended up right in front of a semi-truck.

the driver was fat and ichigo went splat.

Orihime cried when ichigo died and that was the end of that.

That is to say that Orihime fell to her knees in shock crying about her 'kurosaki-kun' when further inspected they realized the disease had already taken hold. Sadly she had to be put down as it was the only Humane thing to do. After it was done Renji had a startling realization.

"Ichigo's really dead this time."

There was a moment of silence as the truth set in and the response was unanimous.

"PARTY!"

the party lasted for days with Kenpachi, Renji and Ulquiorra being the only males present later saying

"Ichigo, wherever your retched soul now resides, You can now finally claim to be the life of a party, sucks you had to die to achieve that goal though."

The details of the party are still unknown but as yoruichi and the other women wound fondly say.

"What happens at the party after we killed ichigo stays at the party after we killed ichigo"

Aizen's plans for world domination halted upon news of ichigo's death and he along with the rest of his forces were welcomed back to Soul Society as the heroes who killed that annoying strawberry kid. Aizen soon married Momo at a group wedding of both Aizen and Momo as well as Gin and Matsumoto. everyone lived happily ever after.

**YAY! Everyone's happy, except ichigo but whatever I don't like him much anyway. Now some simpler deaths of Characters first up Renji!**

It was a warm day and Renji had just gotten the Klondike bar he'd found inside the break rooms freezer. as he was about to take his fist bite he saw a name written on it read ihcapnek, what a strange name. Renji would steal one from a subordinate for a Klondike bar.

he took a single bite when a shadow fell over him it was then he realized he'd read the name backwards and that the name said kenpachi. The last thing he heard was this statement.

"Hey, Renji have you seen my Klondike bar?"

And so Renji died as we all know now Kenpachi will kill for a Klondike bar. What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Come to think of it kenpachi will kill you for just about anything.

**Go Ken-Chan! Finally ichigo's final death this chapter and to reiterate my dislike for him**

As ichigo was recovering from having butt royally handed to him by Grimmjow like the weak little human he was he soon grew restless. His last dream had morphed into some horrid nightmare and so he decided it was best if he got up and moving. Fate was not on his side today as when he got out of bed he slipped on the covers causing him to lose control and slide all the way out his window. now a two story drop while painful is not lethal but then again when you fall two stories onto the street with an SUV hurdling towards you we have a problem. before ichigo could be crushed A bright light appeared and whisked him away.

"Hello Ichigo."

" Are you God?"

"Not yet, you may call me Kubo-sama."

"Who are you?"

"The First Author of your story but I'm warning you I'm not writing this story."

"Then who is?"

"You ask a lot Questions you know that? Anyway This author's name is Silentman97."

"Ha! That's a stupid name."

"..."

Ichigo then burst into flames and burned to death before then being resurrected once again.

"Don't insult the author Ichigo you'll live longer" Kubo told Ichigo

Ichigo just whimpered.

"Now the purpose of this story is to kill you in creative ways and comical ways."

"Why does The new author hate me?"

Because you and your friends killed Ulqui-Chan, Grimm-Chan, Tia-Chan, Rose-Chan and Starrk-Chan.

"They were our enemies!"

...

Your boring me once again so prepare to die.

it was then that gravity restarted and Ichigo fell several thousand feet to his death.

"You planned for me to save him just so you could drop him from a huge height didn't you?"

Yep. after all, your only a voice in my head.

Kubo remained silent after that as we both watched Ichigo fall to his doom.

**Done! Many more will come soon after this. I don't know why I'm writing so much none Naruto work but whatever. Also what's a good cure for writer's block? as always Review! Or I'll hunt you down and devour your puny human soul ^-^ ! **


	2. Kurosaki kun

**This story really isn't bashing the characters as these really are my twisted interpretations of them. I haven't read bleach all the way through and thus have had a very narrow view of it. I came to one conclusion while reading Bleach The espada and a few Shinigami are awesome but Most of the Espada ended up dying in ways that seemed to really just like The writer had written himself into a corner and this was his solution (Ulquiorra killed ichigo by blowing a gaping hole in his chest. these are facts) To offset my double kill of ichigo ,though at least once a chapter he will die, I'll let him kill Aizen. Also thanks to the two reviewers who counter balanced Those two negative reviewers as I don't like being insulted for something you read of your own free will.**

**Also thank you to those on Deviant art whose images spawned these stories.**

**Enjoy And also I'm writing this for myself not you angry reviewers.**

Ichigo had just had his throat pierced by Ulquiorra. Like any hero Ichigo attempted to tap into his inner hollow and survive but was shocked when He couldn't.

"What's going on why aren't you helping me?"

"Dude we're Dying There's nothing I can do to fix the Gaping hole in your throat!"

"There has to be something we can do!"

"Hmmmmmm let me think... Wait!"

"I think there is one possible thing we can do."

"What?

"Kill the moron who took on a stronger espada."

At this point Hichigo Began choking ichigo to death in a rather comical fashion

"What the hell were you thinking! We barely survived Grimmjow and only because he didn't go full out in the beginning You Baka!"

"I Thought I was stronger" Ichigo wheezed out

"Stronger? You've been bleeding out all over the place since we arrived here you've not taken a single break since we got here!"

"Sorry"

"You've Killed us SORRY Doesn't cut it this time!"

"Your killing me."

"That's the idea stupid!"

When Ichigo's finally choked to death Hichigo realized that He could indeed have fixed the injury but turned out to be unable to revive ichigo and so took over his body and joined Aizen's army. He then led them to victory by brokering a peace agreement between the two sides. In appreciation for convincing both sides to stand down the Shinigami king gave Hichigo a new body and burned the old one to ashes.

**Hichigo FTW! Now to kill a almost-god.**

Aizen was currently owning All the people in the clearing after he announced his betrayal. He attempted to mock ichigo like Renji By stopping his sword with his index finger. Apparently he forgot That he wasn't god yet as Ichigo's sword cut clean through the digit and sliced Aizen throat clean open and blood flowed quite well from the Gaping hole in his throat.

Ichigo's victory was short-lived as a Shinigami who hadn't heard of Aizen's betrayal Suddenly attacked from behind and killed ichigo. Stunned by the turn of events everyone stood gaping until the death sequence ended and everything faded to black.

**And so Dies another Ichigo I have no Issue with Aizen for some reason... weird**

Renji, Ichigo and several other captains were shopping for supplies not found in soul society though the fact that they chose this grocery store would prove to be a fatal mistake.

Ulquiorra was also shopping here. They'd just run out of the espada's favorite tea, Asuras(1) international tea company midnight black tea. As He was getting the tea he encountered a group of strange people. The hair colors were all incredibly strange and really made them stand out. they were also incredibly powerful as far as he could tell.

A dark-skinned woman went up next to him and grabbed another bag of Asuras tea.

"Huh. I thought I was the only one who liked this tea."

"Nope both Myself and my group love this kind."

"Yoruichi stop talking with the emo kid and let's go buy your cruddy tea and go." Ichigo interrupted the rather pleasant conversation between the two tea lovers.

Before anyone could blink Both of them had stabbed ichigo in the lung with their swords and killed him.

**The Morale of the story kids is that Tea drinkers are crazy and don't ever mess with them as they will kill you for insulting their tea.**

Ichigo was attempting to thwart one of the author's ways to attempt to kill him by nailing his window shut. As he became sidetracked he accidentally nailed a nail into his palm. He began jumping around in pain trying to dislodge the metal menace.

He fell out of his room and hit his head on a family picture. bruised and bloody he didn't notice the stairs until he was falling down them. He died shattering his head open on the sixth step.

**Ichigo's last death of the day up next**

We now find Ichigo sitting on top of his bed slowly rocking back and forth as he remembered all the different ways he died so far. It was then that a bright light appeared once again and this time he was brought into the solar system as this didn't happen often He died of fright.

...

The author unsatisfied resurrected him and casually remarked

"Good Morning Ichigo!" in a chipper and annoying voice.

"Aaaaaahhh! you're the thing that keeps killing me!"

Ulquiorra came out of nowhere and fired a cero into Ichigo's back

"Do not dare call Author-sama a _thing_ Trash!"

"Thank you Ulquiorra -kun Why don't you go get some tea with yoruichi?"

"Okay Author-sama."

Ichigo shivered remembering what had happened when he'd mocked the tea.

"Now ichigo I'll be honest with you I'm going to kill you and your family and loved ones over and over again for other people's entertainment. or outrage whichever they preger But that doesn't mean we can't be friends right?"

"It actually does mean we can't be friends you madman."

"Oh. I see now."

Ichigo suddenly began choking due to lack of oxygen and ended up suffocating in space before burning up in the earth's atmosphere.

**Now to kill Renji some...**

Today Renji was in a very bad mood. He'd grown tired of all of Kankura's and soul society's commercialism and went to take it out on a local KFC.

"hello welcome to-"

"Shut up you stupid corporate slave and just gimme a frickin' order of fries"

Though angered the little pink haired girl made his order quickly before then waiting for payment.

Renji ignored her and decided to take the food without payment. A huge shadow soon hung over him. It was then that he read what the 'K' stood for. It wasn't Kentucky.

The store he walked into was called Kenpachi's fried chicken.

By the time he realized his error Kenpachi had driven his blade through Renji's heart and killed him.

**Next the biggest pet peeve of all time for all bleach fans It is irrelevent wether you like the character or not You hate these two words if you watch the anime.**

"Kurosaki-kun." Orihime whispered out loud

The whole of Hueco Mundo became eerily quiet as Every hollow in existence slowly began charging their ceros at her as every shinigami was focusing their kidos at her as well. they found no trace of whatever had said those words all that remained was ashes and those words were never uttered ever again.

That ends this chapter be back again soon.

1: Asuras is a group of Hindu and Buddhist supernatural beings that were generally wicked and corrupt


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